Welcome to the Wonderful Land of Ties!

It is a place where people tend to forget that they are actually humans
and would rather consider themselves as machines...
A place where being boring is cool and being cool is not.
Where t-shirts are out and collared polos are your best bud,
where leather shoes are a must and matching neck ties are everywhere.

Welcome to the corporate world, welcome to the reality of finally having a JOB..
I can still remember those days when i always made fun of all the people i see walking around wearing skimpy corporate attires, they look like dweebs! people whose fashion sense has left them since the beginning of time. To me, they always appear similar to robots.

With their heads sticking up high, with arms swaying synchronized with every step that they make.. it surely was a peculiar sight.. but, then again, I never thought I would be one of them..
being forced to wear nothing but these "uniforms".

I tend to call them uniforms since they technically prevent me from dressing in my own style, in want i want.. though at first I would consider myself as one of "them", then again, I thought... what made them that way in the first place? was it their boss? was it their job? was it that just wanted to look sophisticated? or was it for money?

who knows..

Each and every person has their own reasons in being so corporate, in being so sophisticated, in being uptight... may it be for work or for money, nobody cares anymore..

At some point, when you look at it, there's a lot more to this "world" than being so fashionably stereotype. Being one of them, acually made me learn most of these things, I suppose...

it really doesn't matter what you where or what work you do...

What's important is that you are able to do what you are supposed to do..
Doing the things that you want to do for yourself and for you family...

It's really all about living the dream that you once had, finding the reason of your worth..

Now, if you will see some people wearing polos and leather shoes, think again...
Don't let their image of being stiff fool you...

Look closer, there might actually be something more behind those corporate attires...

Expressing What You Cannot Express

Not everyone finds expressing their feelings easy or having it come naturally. While the stereotype is that men have the hardest time expressing their emotions, everyone at one time or another in their life may find it difficult to say how they feel..

Learning why you have trouble expressing your feelings can go a long way into changing that behavior. Saying how you feel is something you can learn how to do, just as readily as you can learn how to fix a faucet or mend a button on a shirt. Here are ten common reasons I came up with why people find it difficult to express their emotions to someone else..

1. Conflict Phobia

You are afraid of angry feelings or conflicts with people. You may believe that people with good relationships should not engage in verbal “fights” or intense arguments. In addition, you may believe that disclosing your thoughts and feelings to those you care about would result in their rejection of you. This is sometimes referred to as the “ostrich phenomenon” — burying your head in the sand instead of addressing relationship problems.

2. Emotional Perfectionism

You believe that you should not have feelings such as anger, jealousy, depression, or anxiety. You think you should always be rational and in control of your emotions. You are afraid of being exposed as weak and vulnerable. You believe that people will belittle or reject you if they know how you really feel.

3. Fear of Disapproval and Rejection

You are so terrified by rejection and ending up alone that you would rather swallow your feelings and put up with some abuse than take the chance of making anyone mad at you. You feel an excessive need to please people and to meet what you perceive to be their expectations. You are afraid that people would not like you if you expressed your thoughts and feelings.

4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

You pout and hold your hurt or angry feelings inside instead of disclosing what you feel. You give others the silent treatment, which is inappropriate, and a common strategy to elicit feelings of guilt (on their part).

5. Hopelessness

You are convinced that your relationship cannot improve no matter what you do. You may feel that you have already tried everything and nothing works. You may believe that your spouse (or partner) is just too stubborn and insensitive to be able to change. These positions represent a self-fulfilling prophecy–once you give up, an established position of hopelessness supports your predicted outcome.

6. Low Self-Esteem

You believe that you are not entitled to express your feelings or to ask others for what you want. You think you should always please other people and meet their expectations.

7. Spontaneity

You believe that you have the right to say what you think and feel when you are upset. (Generally, feelings are best expressed during a calm and structured or semi-structured exchange.) Structuring your communication does not result in a perception that you are “faking” or attempting to inappropriately manipulate others.

8. Mind Reading

You believe that others should know how you feel and what you need (although you have not disclosed what you need). The position that individuals close to you can “divine” what you need provides an excuse to engage in non-disclosure, and thereafter, to feel resentful because people do not appear to care about your needs.

9. Martyrdom

You are afraid to admit that you are angry, hurt, or resentful because you do not want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that her or his behavior is unacceptable. Taking pride in controlling your emotions and experiencing hurt or resentment does not support clear and functional communication.

10. Need to Solve Problems

When you have a conflict with an individual (i.e., your needs are not being met), avoiding the associated issues is not a functional solution. Disclosing your feelings and being willing to listen without judgment to the other is constructive.

I am not saying that you should always tell people what you think. I believe that sometimes, it is best to think about the situation and decide from there whether expressing yourself will prove to be beneficial or not..

Our Lives As A Story

I know we have all had the times where life seems to pile things onto an already heavy load. The times where our legs seem so tired that we are about to fall face first into the dirt. Well when you are at these trying times, ask yourself what is it all for, why are you doing this?


For me it's my faith... the faith that my dreams are about to come true. The faith that a life lasting love is in my future. How can it seem like the wicked go unpunished while the good are tried and tried again? We all have our demons that we battle, some of us battle more often than others. So whether it be faith, the lord, or a loved one, we all must find our strength and keep it close to our hearts. For it will be this strength that gets you through these battles. Because life is anything but fair, and often times it can be downright mean. But when you are in that darkness, there is light even though it cannot be seen.


There is a purpose to life like a moral to the childrens book of life. Although we cannot read these pages or skip to the end to see what happens, as characters in this book of life we can continue to move foward. We can continue to brush ourselves off, find our strength in times of need, and march through those pages toward our moral in life. For each of our own stories are being read at this very moment, our pages are being turned, as we move through the experiences of our book to a moral in our own personal story. Granted that some of us are in the chapters of heartbreak and loneliness, while others are in the chapters of love and happiness, we all are on a journey.


But if you fail to brush yourself off while face first in that dirt, if you take that deep breath in defeat, our story is not a story at all... but merely ideas that never made it to the library of life!

Looking at the Reflection in the Mirror

Looking at the reflection in the mirror, I ponder for a moment. Remembering times when life was far more complex and much less difficult. Wondering if I will gain control of who I am, what I stand for and my future?


My happiness depends on myself and myself only. I feel as though I have an idea of what that might compel. However I have not the slightest idea of what it will take to really get there. Things can seem so out of reach sometimes. I'm just trying day by day to get a little further, jumping hurdles and working my way through the obstacles that are laid out in front of me. I seem to be getting very good at dodging what life is throwing at me though.


As I continue to stare at my reflection, I notice something. I'm jaded, it is written all over my face and there is no denying that I have neglected myself. Taking all the time in the world to please everyone around me, I have simply pushed myself to the side and left no time to tend to me. I seem to be spinning in circles trying to make sense of what is twirling around me. It is all moving too fast, I find it hard to grasp on to anything when it is flying by me at the speed of light. The reflection staring back at me is clearly trying to tell me something. It is just a matter of figuring it all out.


Life seems much more complicated these days, far more than it ever has before. I find myself second guessing who I really am and what it is I want out of my life. But I am surely working on it. And as I stare deeper into the face looking back at me, I realize I am a lot stronger than I put off. And with that strength I will make it through anything. I know what my boundaries are and I carry my values and self-respect with me no matter where I go. I have grown to be independent and strong willed.


I just have to let go of my insecurities and fears to allow myself to become who I want to be.

Why is Life Complicated?

A lot of people often complain about this-may it be about their school, love-life, social-life, friends, choices, or their life itself.

I too ask this question several times.. expression it should only be, for nobody really knows the answer to it, I attempted the impossible..

I tried to understand it and this is what I came up with and maybe, hopefully people would find ease in this..

Considering this thing is already compicated as it is, I still ended up with a complicated statement to explain it but when thought of, you would get my point.. hopefully that is.... here goes..

Life isn't really complicated. Yes it isn't jerk!!..

PEOPLE are the ONES who make life COMPLICATED.. You and the people around you make it complicated.

HOW? WHY? for the simple reason that every person is created DIFFERENTLY from one another-from their looks, attitude, personality, etc.

but most importantly, people have different opinions on one subject or another. That is when life begins to become complicated... Opinions are almost as good as wants and often if not always, when a person does not get what he wants, he becomes frustrated...

And when do we commonly say the phrase, why does it have to be complicated?
when we are frustrated right? frustrated for not getting what we want, for not being able to understand the other person,for not knowing what to do.. You know what i mean..

so what good did i just do?

maybe none.. but with this, i just want to say..

if you do see it in my point of view, and you dont want to make things complicated for urself,


JUST BE THE PERSON WHO JUST ACCEPTS THINGS AS THEY ARE.


Remember, they are not you..


In simple terms, BE THE BETTER PERSON and BE THE ONE TO GIVE WAY...

Doing The Right Thing

When you hear the phrase "Do the right thing" do u think of doing the right thing for yourself or for someone else, for your country, or for the world?
Or do you just think about just not doing the wrong thing?

And can you even see what the right thing is until you are miles past it. Also the idea of right and wrong has become so gray you never even know what is right most of the time.

Does a bad person know that he/she is a bad person. If she/he thinks their a good person but everyone else thinks that they are bad, what are they?

As far as simple social ideas of what is right and wrong I have always had my own idea and values of what is right and wrong. I just wonder how much of it is all bullshit sometimes.

RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.

Having expectations in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. That is a problem for most people. For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need, it is only and always an unrealistic expectation.

Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true. One love partner knows the expectation. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. Can you see the problem? Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be cussed and discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship.

"Expect the best," is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. Some say, "If you always expect the best for your relationship, everything will work out better." This is a myth. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. You don't always get what you expect. We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations.

Try this: "No expectations, fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. Not easy. Simple. By considering a new point of view, by changing our thinking about expectations, we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out, we may be surprised by the result. Even when we imagine the very best, we are often surprised, because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings, things may turn out better than we imagined. . . or worse. Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. This will always generate lots of surprises. That is when the adventure begins; the adventure the heart was crying for. Surprises create a sense of adventure; surprises you can enjoy together; surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience.

Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. They bring couples together and give them something to share. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together, those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire, to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay.

Problems are not to break us. Working together on problems makes us stong. While there is something to be said about "expecting the best," we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled expectations. This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met, that the results are always bad. It only means that if your expectations don't get met. Disappointment usually follows. By thinking in terms of needs instead of expectations, we create vulnerability. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel vulnerable. We have more to lose because now we know what we want. The outcome is less predictable. There is some risk involved. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs met. Never give yourself away in the relationship. By "give yourself away," I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. The healthier image you have of yourself, the less likely this will occur.

There is a difference between duty and responsibility. When duty does not meet our needs, it is something to be avoided. For example, if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of them. When it feels like duty, you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up in our relationship, we either choose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable, we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. However, always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction. If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. Everyone has a need to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did, it caused a confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage. In my opinion, the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations. So, how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs, of course! You focus on your needs and make a commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. Talk about what you need with your partner. Express your needs with love.

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. We often call things that happen that cause disappointment, problems. To avoid disappointment or problems. . . as best you can, have no expectations, good or bad. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable. Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. The predicaments that follow are predictable. If your relationship is not full of surprises, it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace. It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way. What you can be with in life lets you be! When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined!

-kira-

Looking For "Mr. Right"

Finding the right person is very hard and very wrong... It is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from there...You'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a "right person" for you...and don't rush things coz somewhere somehow God is preparing somebody for you."


Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you really want in a relationship. You're right, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don't give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made.


If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, DON'T GO DEEPER INTO IT. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life. It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a much needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself.


We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, it's just pity.


We call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood, its just that we're too much dependent on them.


We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken, its just insecurity.


But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy or beg. It is real and existing. You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but don't forget that it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy...

-kira-

Having An Open Mind

Today someone told me that I am a really open person. This was in response to a conversation we were having about my view on relationships, people from different religions and my work. Being in the field of teaching and education certainly exposes me to many people from various walks of life, different customs and cultures, religions, political beliefs and values. Perhaps I was attracted to that field precisely because of my openness.

Today I believe my friend was talking about something deeper than being an open person and that is acceptance: acceptance and the willingness to embrace peoplen who are, different from me, to listen to their point of view, to consider a different way of thinking and to be respectful in the process. I'm referring to acceptance of people as human beings, and not defined by gender, race, nationality, ethnic group, sexual orientation, social or economic class, or whatever label you choose to give someone.

As young adults, we always have a choice about being an open person although some people choose not to exercise it. We can choose to look at a person or situation or issue differently. We can decide to have an open mind. I choose to have an open mind. I choose to accept people with different views than my own. This doesn't mean that they will become my friends, but I choose to accept them anyway. I choose to read whatever interests me. Sometimes I read controversial pieces that I totally don't agree with, yet the choice is mine to read them so I can gain an insight into that world. I don't have to agree with it, but I respect people's rights to be read and heard, as long as it doesn't harm anyone: that is where I draw my line. (I admit that this line is often fuzzy.)

Having an open mind is so important to understanding one another. I've seen my share of closed minds, of people who are so adamant that their belief is the only way to think, that no matter what anyone says or does, they will not budge an inch to consider another point of view. Too often we are conditioned to grow up with the idea that our way is the only way.

One thing I have learned from my work is not to assume that people all have the same perception about the simplest of things. What is an accepted rule of society in one culture may be interpreted as rude or offensive in another. The sexual preferences are many in the realm of non-verbal communication such as personal space, style of dress or eye contact, and even more complex are the differences according to context. Do the rules of behavior change if a bride-to-be is meeting her future in-laws, a professional is going for a job interview, or when a person is entering a holy ground? Of course they do and the "rules" of politeness and what is considered acceptable for that culture in different contexts are not always universal, yet often we assume them to be. People know what they learn, even when they are not aware of it. Often times it is when someone is faced with a culture or situation different than their own that one realizes that differences do indeed exist.

So it is in this spirit that I ask you: Do you know and accept yourself? What preconceived notions do you have about certain people, places or experiences that prevent you from opening up your heart in acceptance of them? Might you grow by opening the door just a crack? You never know: you may just make a new friend!

Advantages and Disadvantages of Working in a Call Center

Working in a call center means big pay. It means numerous benefits and overnight promotions. Your workplace will have lounges which contains many amenities. Having a job in a call center is fun, easy, and even glorious!

That's what many people want you to think.

Indeed if you see call center agents, they do look rather glamorous.

Endless parties, money to splurge, and luxurious work places.

However when you look closely, the picture begins to dim.

You'll see people in a production line working their asses off for greedy Americans. They are like ants trying to make up for lost sleeping time, risking their lives in the dead of the night, and their body clocks turning upside down because of the endless shifting schedules.

In the USA, a general call center representative would earn around 80,000 php or almost 2500 USD. The typical call center agent in the Philippines earns less than a fourth of that! If you think all call center agent earns more than twenty thousand pesos, you are dead wrong. The basic pay is almost always twelve thousand pesos. It then becomes more or less twenty thousand pesos because of the night differential, transportation allowance, and other types of allowances and benefits.

Not that I am exaggerating, but call center agents constantly face the dangers of traveling at night. There's your friendly local hold upper, the proverbial mugger, and your ever loyal fast cruising buses.

And let's not forget the fact that sometimes you would be asked to go on mandatory over time, especially if you are new. You would also sometimes have a shifting schedule which means that your body clock would go haywire. And don't you ever forget the night shift. Sure, it seems exciting at first. Working at nights, wow! However, when you experience the night shift, you'll realize that it'll destroy your sleeping pattern and make you feel drunk all the time.

For family people, it would be doubly hard for you to work in call centers. Imagine not being able to see your kids grow up, tuck them to bed, and attend to their needs.

The advantage of working in a call center is of course the higher than average pay. The many allowances and benefits. I also like the almost progressive atmosphere in call centers. If you perform well, you get promoted. Plus you get the chance to grow all the time.

So that's it. Those are the advantages and disadvantages of working in a call center and it's up to you to decide whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Egomania

Often you feel like talking to a person you just met on the bus, at the coffee shop, or on other kind of occasion. You talked to them not because you are lonely but you were just being friendly. These people that you talked to might have not felt the same way. Somehow, they got the wrong idea that you were interested in them and could not wait to ask them out for a date. The reason was that these people are idiot egomaniacs!!!

Usually, I did not want to correct them because I wanted to satisfy their pathetic egos. Why disrupt a person's wishful thinking? I am not that cruel. My innocent act of friendliness has turned into a crush. How amusing! It was as if a sign engraved into their forehead saying, "You have a crush on me, don't you? You are drooling all over me."

Sometimes, during the conversation, all of the sudden a phrase like "I am married" popped out from nowhere. Especially when there was no wedding band on your finger, they could sense the vibes right the way. They then rolled their eyes to transmit the signal of your "desperate" act to their friends standing next to them.

As a writer, I am interested in talking to strangers to learn things from them and use these materials for my writing topics. However, instead of getting valuable information, I got all kind of ridiculous psychoanalysis from these egomaniacs. Not only that I thought they are pathetic creatures but I also found their actions rude and repulsive…

Life Forecast

Some people have a habit to read the ending of the story way before finishing the book. If you have a chance to find out about your future or about what will happen to you the next second, minute, or hour in your life, would you want to know? Say that you went to a true psychic and he/she told you what your future are going to be and your journey will end at certain age, I can assure you that your life will not be the same! Your life will spin around and it will change forever!

If the psychic told you that you will be well off for the rest of your life and at this point you are only in your twenties. There is fifty/fifty chance that the psychic was right. Would you quit your job, take it easy, do nothing, and wait for the destined fortune to come to you? A person was being told that he/she will not live pass this year, should this person withdraw all of his/her savings from the bank account and use them up before the end will come? Or commit suicide? What kind of life will this person have during this particular year knowing that the psychic might have been right?

To me the scariest thing is to see my own future. I don’t want to know what will happen next, I just want to enjoy my life one brief second at a time. Even if I have to die in the next second, I just want to enjoy the fraction of second left with someone I love in this lifetime. So what if you knew too much about your destiny, would you be able to prevent or change it? By saying this, I don’t mean to discourage people not to plan ahead; however, life might or might not flow according to your plan.

The meaning of life is supposed to be unpredictable and having full of surprises. Everyday should be a completely new and blank page where hope exists. Even though, our lives are pre-destined and regardless of the concept of reincarnation, each one of us has only one short life to live. Please make every second counts. As we take a stroll, walk slowly to smell the aroma of the flowers, inhale the fresh air, and enjoy the beautiful weather or even get the pleasure of the wet rain.